What Is a First Look at a Wedding?
A first look is a moment when the couple sees each other and spends time together before the ceremony begins. The first look is planned ahead of time and usually takes place at or near the ceremony venue. It’s usually captured on camera by the wedding photographer or videographer to document the excitement and emotion as the couple see each other in their wedding attire for the first time. Superstition says that seeing each other before the ceremony is bad luck, but many couples still opt to do a first look, making it a new tradition for modern-day weddings.
“First looks offer an amazing private moment for the couple that is not in front of everyone during the ceremony”. It allows them to have a designated moment to share their vows, have a laugh, and be excited to share their day together. Wedding days go by very quickly, and a positive note about first looks is that they guarantee at least one special moment, just the two of them on their wedding day.”
Pros and Cons of a First Look
Sometimes, a good old-fashioned pro-con list really does help you see clearly. There are good reasons on both sides of the first look vs. no first look debate, but here are a few of the main points.
Reasons Not to Do a First Look
Undecided about your first look? Whether tradition or a slow start to your wedding day is important to you, here are several reasons not to do a first look, according to experts.
1. It breaks the tradition of saving the first look for the altar.
While we’re definitely in favor of skipping wedding traditions that don’t feel right for your marriage, we’re also totally on board with following tradition if that’s important to you. If you’re thinking of skipping the first look to keep the dramatic effect of a big reveal at the altar, you’re certainly not alone. Delaying the first moment you see each other builds suspense and adds emotion to your ceremony for everyone in the room.
“There is something extra-special about being in your ceremony and turning the corner to see your partner for the first time on your wedding day, surrounded by the immense amount of love from family and friends that are there that day,” says Samantha Leenheer, creative director at House of Joy, a wedding design and event planning firm in Ohio.
2. There could be added pressure to share emotions on camera.
A big reason why couples choose to do a first look is because they want their candid emotions captured on camera—but that’s also a valid reason not to do a first look. “I never want couples to feel more pressure in doing a first look than they would waiting to see each other for the ceremony, and sometimes, they can feel less than natural,” says Maloney. Similar to the myth that you’ll cry when you find the “right” wedding dress, it’s often assumed that seeing your partner for the first time on your wedding day will elicit a wave of teary-eyed emotions. But there’s no right or wrong way to react, and it’s entirely okay if you don’t want the added pressure of your photographer standing by waiting to capture the emotions you may (or may not!) experience. “The first time you see your spouse is so special. I recommend not doing a first look if you feel it might be cheesy or awkward-feeling,” Maloney says.
3. You’ll have to start getting ready earlier in the day.
Nearly all of our experts agreed that doing your first look and taking wedding party photos before the ceremony means an earlier wedding day start time, at least by a couple of hours. That means you’ll have to wake up earlier to eat breakfast, get ready and leave enough time for your photographer to do their thing, in addition to building in travel time if you’re not already at the ceremony site.
This might not be so bad for a wedding starting at 4 or 5 p.m., but if you’re having a morning or midday wedding, you might want to think twice. If you’re getting married in a church or house of worship, that can also impact your start time and whether or not you do a first look. “Some ceremonies at places of worship or different faiths have to be at a certain time, and often, having a first look earlier before the ceremony can push getting ready earlier in the day,” says Leenheer. In addition to waking up before dawn, Leenheer says you’d have to pay your beauty team for early arrival and extend the hours of your photography coverage as well.
Another thing to consider is if you have a large group of bridesmaids or wedding attendants who will be getting ready with you. According to Loni Peterson, founder and owner of LP Creative Events in Colorado, her team plans for roughly 45 minutes per service per person (a total of 90 minutes!) while getting ready in the morning. “If you need to be ready by 10:30 a.m. and you have a massive wedding party, you will be starting at 4 a.m. if you want to make time for a first look.”
4. Onlookers can potentially watch (or spoil) the moment.
Your friends and family will be just as excited as you are for your wedding day, so don’t be surprised if you catch them sneakily watching your first look from around the corner of a building or a window above. If you and your partner are more introverted and enjoy your privacy, this could be another reason not to do a first look, especially if you’d rather not worry about people listening to your heartfelt exchange and sweet nothings being shared. One solution is to tell your wedding party you’d prefer to keep the moment private and strategically choose a spot that’s away from prying eyes.
On top of that, there might be wedding vendors or people you don’t even know passing through and potentially witnessing the moment. “A first look can sometimes be difficult, depending on your venue’s layout, especially if it is scheduled while vendors are still setting up,” explains Ian Ramirez, the co-owner of Madera Estates, a Spanish-style venue in The Woodlands, Texas. “A special moment such as this can often be ruined by the clanking of china and silverware being delivered, or the sound of your DJ saying, ‘test 1-2-3.’ When choosing to do a first look, be sure to scope out an intimate and quiet location with your photographer prior to the wedding day.”
5. It could conflict with some cultural customs.
Penny Haas, event planner in Nashville, Tennessee, explains that doing a first look can sometimes go against religious and cultural customs. “A first look may not be a viable option depending on the specific culture for the wedding,” says Haas. “If it’s not customary for the couple to see each other before, the wedding vendors and couple will want to work around the schedule and not push for first looks that could possibly break tradition.”
6. You might need hair and makeup touch-ups.
Wind gusts, hot sunshine and happy tears (and kisses!) can all potentially mess up your wedding hair and makeup during the first look. “If you are the emotional one and you plan on having professional makeup services done, a first look may cause more trouble than it’s worth,” Ramirez says. “Cascading mascara may not be the look you are going for.” He recommends discussing options with your beauty team before the wedding day to ask if they’d extend their services for an additional hour to take care of last-minute touch-ups, and what the cost of that would be.
Reasons to Do a First Look
If you’re leaning toward doing one, some of the biggest reasons to do a first look include saving time later in the day, releasing built-up emotions in a safe space before the ceremony and having built-in facetime with your partner.
1. It will help ease your pre-wedding nerves.
Our experts agree this is the number one reason to do a first look. If you’re worried about being jittery or nervous on your wedding day, a pre-ceremony hug or kiss from your partner can help ease that in just a few minutes. “For a lot of couples, their significant other is their safety blanket and safe space when feeling anxious or nervous,” says Peterson. “A lot of times, seeing one another beforehand can help soothe the nerves and help you both get excited about this next chapter in your lives. I am a firm believer that doing a first look to calm the nerves does not take away from seeing each other down the aisle—it makes it better sometimes!”
2. You’ll spend less time taking portraits in between the ceremony and reception.
With the majority of your formal wedding portraits and group photos completed before the ceremony, your wedding timeline for the cocktail hour and reception becomes much more streamlined for everyone. You won’t have to worry about holding the wedding party back after the recessional or wrangling antsy flower girls and ring bearers who would rather run off and play than stick around for photos.
“Right after the ceremony, family members typically do three things: eat (they are famished!), run to the bathroom, find loved ones they haven’t seen in years, and immerse themselves in deep conversations,” explains Melani Lust, a photographer with more than 15 years of experience. “Finding these family members, pulling them away from their food and conversations, and bringing them back to portrait time takes three times longer than you would think.”
3. You can release emotions, thoughts and tears before the ceremony.
Let’s face it—weddings can be super emotional. There may be a few (or many) tears, but you might not feel completely comfortable showing your vulnerable side in a room of 100-plus people. Doing your first look before the wedding could help get some of the waterworks out beforehand in a more private, intimate setting. The first look is an ideal time to exchange private vows and wedding gifts without worrying about ugly crying or speaking clearly for everyone to hear. Plus, you can help each other regroup with pauses for hugs or hand squeezes, and you’ll feel more prepared standing in front of your guests knowing you’ve already shared a special moment one-on-one.
4. It builds in dedicated time with your partner.
“You have a private reveal, which offers you both the chance to slow down and be together virtually alone, one of the only times this will happen on your wedding day,” says Lynne Reznick, a New-England based luxury and fine art wedding photographer. This is especially true if you’re having a large wedding or a wedding with multiple locations involved, because once things get underway, the day goes by more quickly than you’d think. Jen Sulak, lead wedding photographer, also points out the importance of embracing time to pause. “You are already moving around and managing moving parts on your wedding day, and a first look helps you slow down and really connect with each other,” she says. “This is a perfect time for you to connect through touch, words and stolen glances. Pick your favorite secluded spot to just be with each other, and take it all in.”
5. You’ll get to see more of each other throughout the whole day.
Along with having that priceless built-in time with your partner, another reason to do a first look is that you won’t have to wait all day to see each other. “Getting ready with your wedding party is a ton of fun, but waiting until the early evening to see your soulmate can feel like most of the day is gone before you actually spend any time together,” says Reznick. “With a first look, you see your soulmate hours earlier and really get to spend the day making memories together.”
First Look Frequently Asked Questions
Whether you’ve made up your mind or you need a little more time to decide, brush up on the basics of what a first look actually involves.
How long does a first look take?
A wedding first look can take anywhere from a few minutes to 30 or more minutes, depending on your photographer’s recommendations, the time of day, the location and whether or not you’re exchanging private vows or wedding gifts.
Decide what’s most important to you and your partner ahead of time so you can plan accordingly. Remember to factor in how much time you want to spend taking pictures with your partner, wedding party members and family after the first look, too.
When is the first look at a wedding?
The first look at a wedding usually takes place a few hours before the ceremony. The exact timing will depend on several things, including the start time of your ceremony, the overall wedding day timeline, how long it takes you to get ready, where the first look is happening and how many people are involved.
Who should be at the first look?
You and your partner can decide who is (or isn’t) at your first look on the wedding day. Some couples choose to have their first look entirely in private—even without a photographer or videographer—while other couples include their wedding party, parents and other loved ones.
Can you kiss during the first look?
You can absolutely kiss during the first look, but it’s entirely up to your own preferences. If you’re comfortable with it, your kiss during the first look can be documented on photo or video, making the memory even more special. On the other hand, some couples save the kiss for the ceremony to mark the moment when they’re officially married, while other couples choose not to kiss during the first look for religious, cultural or personal reasons. If you feel strongly about it one way or the other, have an honest conversation with your partner ahead of time so you’re both on the same page. Otherwise, you can decide to do whatever feels most natural and right in the moment.
